Ellie has not eaten soup since she threw some up three nights ago. She's had a bite here and there, but is mostly refusing it. This is a problem. The majority of one's diet in the early stages of Intro is soups and stews and Ellie is just not eating it. Mama's in a bit of a panic.
At dinner tonight Ian asked Ellie why she wouldn't eat her soup and she answered, "eating soup feels ouchie." Oh great. Now I'm pondering whether she's created that association because that's what she threw up Wednesday night, or because that's the vehicle her probiotics are delivered in and those are upsetting her tummy or if perhaps she's made the connection that the liquidy soup will only painfully come back up as reflux overnight.
I'm at a loss for what to do. I have served her a few pork and lamb patties and she's enthusiastically eaten those, and she's still eating duck eggs, but without soup and stew she's getting few vegetables and not nearly as much nutrition.
Then there's me. I'm a mess. Twice in the past three days I've gotten really sick and I can't totally piece together what's happening. Both times were the only times I've eaten scrambled eggs. The first time I had sauteed broccoli and some onion and then stirred in two duck egg whites and a whole duck egg and made a scramble. Soon after I had an intense pain in my gut. It lasted about 20 minutes and I was able to make it feel better by rolling on my stomach on a roller ball. I chalked it up to the broccoli, thinking it had caused gas. But today I made another scramble, this time with onion, garlic, spinach and two duck eggs. A while later I was suddenly incredibly tired. I laid down and almost feel asleep despite Ellie the whirling dirvish playing around me. Suddenly I became really hot and naseous. I was really afraid I was going to throw up. Then I got that incredibly intense pain in my gut, this time so bad that I had to curl up into a ball and rock just to keep the pain manageable. I hadn't experienced pain like that since labor. Ian made me ginger tea and it took several hours for the pain to completely go away.
What the hell is going on? Was it the eggs? I am tolerating them fine raw, soft boiled and poached. I don't think it could be the spinach - I sauteed some in pork fat yesterday and was just fine. I am truly at a loss.
The most confusing thing about all of this is that before Ellie came along and we started this elimination diet experiment, I could eat ANYTHING and feel fine - eggs, dairy, gluten - you name it. It was only when I started eliminating some foods that I realized I generally felt better without them. That was the case primarily with dairy and gluten. How is it possible that I was able to eat foods with no symptoms for 30-plus years and that I am not even on GAPS because I have a health condition, but just to support my nursing daughter, and I am having trouble digesting some scrambled eggs and veggies. WTF?
Meeting my own nutritional needs while staying within the confines of what Ellie can tolerate is getting increasingly difficult. After today's stomach attack my body strongly desired some goat milk yogurt to calm my stomach down. Ellie just got sick from ghee several days ago so I know my eating yogurt is a terrible idea. But I did it anyway, choosing to take care of my body in a crisis and hoping that the consequences for Ellie aren't awful. It's a terrible thing to eat a food you know will make your child sick. I don't know that I've done it in over a year of our evolving elimination diet. But I am really struggling and I made the choice to listen to my body.
The past couple days have been really difficult. Between the ghee trial flopping and these strange stomach attacks I am really felling like throwing in the towel. I honestly think I would if I had any idea what that would mean. Go back to the Specific Carbohydrate Diet? Wean Ellie? Just make peace with her having a perpetual stomach ache and reflux and failure to thrive? I just don't see a good option besides moving forward and praying to God that things get better somehow.