The magic of raw foods

Sometime last week we took another bold step and introduced raw vegetables, including the nightshades tomatoes and peppers. It all started with a bad night, which we were suspicious was caused by sauteed red bell peppers. I consulted with our nutrition counselor and she suggested trying dinner the next night with only greens as the vegetables. Ian didn't totally get that message - and was in charge of dinner that night - and made a huge salad with the butter lettuce I bought, but also included cucumbers and tomatoes. I cringed and went along with it.

And Ellie did amazing that night! So amazing that we've had a huge salad at dinner every night since then and she's been doing fantastic. We have previously suspected Ellie was sensitive to nightshades, which I can now confidently say can be ruled out because she is absolutely thriving on tomatoes and peppers.

Finding balance with fruit

Day 47

Since we re-introduced fruit last week I've been exploring what fruits work for us and in what amounts. For example, Ellie is fine having one or two ripe strawberries, but five or six is too many. Half of a peeled green apple is fine, but it has to be with nut butter. If she eats it by itself we head straight to fussy town. Last week I baked some almond muffins that were sweetened with very ripe bananas (no honey) and those too were fine in moderation.

I got a little cocky with all this success and last night had half of a banana and this morning had another half, and Ellie had half a banana with her breakfast. I'm trying to search for words to describe what happened next ... it wasn't pretty.

Moving pieces of the puzzle around

After two horrible nights, we had to go back to the drawing board this morning to try and figure out what had gone wrong. Last night was truly a nightmare. The only solid block of sleep anybody got was from 2-5:40 a.m.

My biggest suspects were too many almond flour muffins or too many strawberries. Ellie had eaten both of these things in very small amounts and done fine, but then we got a little loose with the treats and that's when things went south. I also suspected beef, some spicy food we had eaten and wondered if the increased amount of probiotics was causing problems. So today I chose one thing to keep the same and took everything else out. I kept the probiotics the same, since that's the most important element of the diet. I completely removed the muffins, strawberries, spicy food and beef.

Teething - another layer of confusion

Oh boy. After quite a few consecutive nights of peaceful, quiet, calm bedtimes, Ellie has been refusing to go to sleep the past two nights. This could mean anything. Reflux? Food reaction? Die-off? Teething? Doing GAPS with a toddler involves a lot of detective work.

So I go back to the food journal. OK, yesterday, four things changed. It was the first day I gave Ellie a second dose of probiotics (at lunch in addition to after dinner), it was also the first day I allowed her to have a tiny string of sauerkraut (in addition to the kraut juice), it was the first time she had more than one strawberry (she had 3 or 4 I think) and I foolishly made dinner a tiny bit spicy, adding chipotle powder.

I am declaring Intro over (!!!)

Day 43

Today Ellie and I had our first raw apple and our first almond flour baked good, which are both in Stage 6 of Intro. Since nobody died or doubled over immediately with stomach cramps, I am declaring Intro officially over!!!

We didn't do every step of Intro and we didn't do every stage in order. God knows we did not do it perfectly. But we did it! We survived, and I think a lot of healing was accomplished.

Adding some tools to the toolbox

Today was our first meeting with our new nutritional counselor. I was very impressed with her and really touched by how much she got what we were going through. I felt very believed, which is not a feeling I come away with after a doctor's visit. So that is a good starting point for a new relationship.

I believe this is Ellie 13th or 14th health care practitioner and retelling her health history has become an incredibly emotionally exhausting experience for me. After the meeting I just wanted to crawl into a corner to get over the emotional process of laying out all that's happened over the past two years. And in fact I did go home and had a really deep sleep during Ellie's nap.

Doing what it takes to stay sane

Day 40

Since having a major crisis of confidence in GAPS, I've really relaxed my attempt to do GAPS Intro as close to the letter as possible. I found that I just had to let go in order to keep my sanity.

Yesterday we included a chopped tomato in a soup and introduced avocado. We also ate chicken livers for the first time. Three new things in one day - I would have considered that reckless a couple of weeks ago. The avocado was absolutely delicious - creamy and fresh tasting - mmmm. Aside from a reflux wakeup at 9:30 p.m., Ellie slept through the night til 5:30. This is remarkable because last time Ellie ate avocado she was up for hours in the night screaming with an ouchie tummy. Today she had a fairly bad face rash, so the jury's out on whether the additions were a very good idea. I don't really care, though. Honestly I feel like if something isn't causing an allergic reaction, we're going to keep it in the diet. I'm so tired of how restricted our diet has been.

Contemplating our way forward

Day 38

It's been a roller coaster ride lately. On Wednesday - optimistic from our recent addition of fish - I fed Ellie green beans and roasted duck (both new additions). She was up in the night with terrible reflux and I felt so discouraged. Then, on Thursday, we had a playdate and I spontaneously decided to feed Ellie (and me) 1/2 a banana with nut butter. I didn't have any food prepared and the kids had brought snacks and I just couldn't bear to let her watch them eat their granola bars and raisins with nothing to eat herself. And - surprisingly - nothing horrible happened. Feeling incredibly restless by dinner that night we decided to make something with red peppers and spices - also new additions - and Ellie did absolutely fine. Yesterday we tried scrambled duck eggs and again they made us both sick. Adding on to all of this - we have been introducing commercial probiotics and S. Boulardii and Ellie has shown zero signs of die off.

All of these things put together have raised some serious questions about the GAPS diet. First it's important to say that I have no doubt that going through Intro has been a helpful and healing experience for us. There's no doubt that GAPS has a lot to offer. But.

Trying to find a doctor who gets it

Day 35

First the good news: fish is totally OK! Yippee! We had trout again for breakfast this morning and it was delicious.

On to other things...

I've been putting a lot of time and effort over the past couple weeks to find a doctor (Western or naturopathic) who can help guide us through this process. To say it's been a frustrating experience would be a major understatement.

First, I contacted Ellie's pediatrician and told her I was interested in seeing a developmental pediatrician at the same practice. I explained that since developmental peds work with autism - and GAPS is used to treat autism - I thought that would be my best chance of finding a doc who understood GAPS and was covered by our insurance. What a waste of time. Our pediatrician questioned me about Ellie's development. I told her it was fine. She checked with the developmental ped - who had never heard of GAPS and said seeing that specialist didn't make sense.

Fish is in! (I think)

Day 34

Despite the fact that Ellie didn’t have a great night last night, this morning I felt ready to forge ahead. When I opened the fridge this morning to contemplate breakfast options, our neighbor’s trout peered out at me from inside the clear meat drawer. Alright, I thought. Let’s give you guys a try. I rinsed of the six small fish and lined them up on a foil-lined cookie sheet. I let Ellie take a look (she was very intrigued!) and put them under the broiler for 5 minutes on each side.

I served the fish alongside pureed cauliflower soup with raw egg yolk and man we were both excited! Fish! I never knew I could feel so grateful for fish! I carefully pulled the meat away from the tiny bones and plopped bites on Ellie’s highchair tray. I could not keep up with her! And every time I feel behind she pleaded, “more fish!” I know that when you’re trialing a new food you’re supposed to start with a small amount, but for some reason Ellie and I struggle with that rule. So between the two of us we ate two entire (small) fish. Ooops. 

Pondering fish

Day 33

Even though Stage 2 includes fermented fish, we skipped that step. Ellie has gotten sick after eating fish the times she's tried it, though it was never a very controlled experiment because we didn't have her food allergies/sensitivities nailed down at all. So fish is scary. Add to that fermented fish, and I've been beyond intimidated. The idea of letting fish sit out on my counter for a few days really grosses me out.

Still, fish keeps popping up in my head. Every time Ian and I talk about what to trial next, I suggest fish. I suppose my body is craving a non-meat source of protein. We are definitely in a food rut. But we keep coming back to weighing the risks vs. advantages and decide fish is too risky right now.

Day 31: Looking back at the first month

Despite the fact that Ellie, Ian and I are all down and out with minor colds, I've been reflecting the past couple days over all we have gained over our first 31 days on GAPS Intro. Some changes worth noting:

• Ellie and I haven't had a drop of honey or fruit for 31 days. After asking for bananas or apples daily for the first week or so, Ellie's stopped asking for fruit and my cravings for sweet things have also gone away. I no longer feel like I need something sweet every day to feel "normal." I've found my ability to distinguish real food from junk has become more accurate. At the grocery store yesterday, I had no desire whatsoever for Oreos or granola bars or other sweets, which looked a lot more like products and packaging than food. Yet at the checkout stand I saw a magazine cover photo of strawberry shortcake with glistening berries piled high with whipped cream and that sure did make my mouth water. 

Day 29: An unlikely menace

Spinach. Go figure.

So two nights ago Ellie slept through the night. Yesterday I fed her some soup with well-cooked spinach pureed into it. The spinach gave me a terrible stomach ache, which was the second time that had happened for me. Then, this happened (from my food/symptoms journal):

Ellie wouldn't go to sleep at bedtime - needed extra patting and singing. Up crying at 10:30 - reflux - nursed and went back to sleep. Up again 15 minutes later crying - Ian held in rocking chair for 45 minutes then back to sleep in crib. Up again shortly after that - I went in and not very kindly told her to go to sleep. Slept til 5:20 - tummy hurt - nursed and back to sleep in crib. Up at 6:40 - nursed/slept in bed until 9:30. 

Day 28: Slowly but surely

Last night Ellie slept through the night for the second time since going on Intro. Yay! She did wake up at 5:30 a.m., but that's really common for her to do the first night of sleeping through. If the trend continues, she gradually sleeps a little later each day. My response to this wonderful development is to not change anything.

I am on my second day of probiotics and S. Boulardii and doing fine besides increased tiredness. Maybe weariness is a better word. Ellie has seemed fine, except she's had a runny nose and lots of sneezing, which is unusual for her. No idea if that's related or not. If tonight goes well we may give Ellie a tiny bit tomorrow before her bedtime.

Days 26 & 27: A new game plan

The past few days I've been contemplating our GAPS journey thus far and looking for what's been working and what hasn't. I've come to terms with the fact that I need to let dairy go for now. After I ate goat yogurt two days in a row, Ellie was up for hours that third night with a tummy ache. So I'm letting it go. It's hard. Yogurt would be a great source of probiotics and calories for us, but it's not in the cards. I'm tabling all dairy for 3-4 weeks and then will try again, this time strictly following the protocol for starting whey on Intro, rather than jumping into eating amounts of yogurt that had been fine for us pre-Intro.

If I could go back and do things over again, I would not have trialed ghee. Ellie was showing a lot of progress just before that and we have still not recovered from the setback. It is a big lesson: be patient. Be OK with just hunkering down even in the middle of Intro for a little while if things are going well. I am feeling a lot more cautious with risky foods now. For example, one of the next things we should introduce is avocado and Ellie reacts to avocado (I think it is somehow related to her citrus allergy) so we're skipping it for now. 

Day 25: Mysteries and theories

I think perhaps the most challenging part of this diet is that it is impossible to know what is going on 100% of the time (or 75% of the time, for that matter!). Is a symptom caused by die-off, meaning the bad bacteria are dying and healing is happening? Or is it a food reaction, meaning your body can't handle the food you just ate and you should back off of it for a while? Or is some other factor that you haven't even considered causing trouble? It's nearly impossible to know and I am struggling with embracing the not knowing. I was a newspaper reporter for a living so I thrive on finding answers and piecing together disparate information into a logical narrative. But this is simply not possible with GAPS - especially with the added complication of doing GAPS with a nursling. I need to work on embracing the not-knowing and find some peace.

Today I had two more attacks of the strange stomach pain I described in yesterday's post. The first was shortly after brunch and the second shortly after dinner. Both were much milder than yesterday's, but still unpleasant for sure. I have lots of theories bouncing around in my head - that I'm struggling tolerating eggs is one. I had soft-boiled eggs with brunch and a raw yolk with dinner. This theory doesn't totally resonate with me because I've been eating eggs for nearly two weeks now, mostly without these pains.

Days 23 & 24: Soup strike and sautes

Ellie has not eaten soup since she threw some up three nights ago. She's had a bite here and there, but is mostly refusing it. This is a problem. The majority of one's diet in the early stages of Intro is soups and stews and Ellie is just not eating it. Mama's in a bit of a panic.

At dinner tonight Ian asked Ellie why she wouldn't eat her soup and she answered, "eating soup feels ouchie." Oh great. Now I'm pondering whether she's created that association because that's what she threw up Wednesday night, or because that's the vehicle her probiotics are delivered in and those are upsetting her tummy or if perhaps she's made the connection that the liquidy soup will only painfully come back up as reflux overnight.

Day 22: The expert has spoken

Day 3 of our ghee trial went down like this:

• Ellie woke up at 5:30 a.m. This was her M.O. during the bad old days and is always a bad sign. Just the other day she woke at 4:55 and let me nurse her and put her back down for another stretch of sleep, but today she was up. Not good. 
• For breakfast I decided to have ghee myself but not give Ellie any and see how the day played out, thinking I’d likely give her some ghee after her nap. 
• Over the course of the morning Ellie became obsessed with nursing. I’d guess she nursed close to a dozen times between waking up in the morning and going down for her nap. And she asked to nurse at least twice that many times. Frequent nursing and getting obsessed with nursing is always a sign of a food reaction for her. When she’s doing great she can go from her morning wake-up nursing session to her going down for nap session without needing anything in between. 
• At lunch she hardly touched her food. This was a big warning sign for me because she has been eating enthusiastically ever since starting Intro.

Days 17-20 - Eggs, beef and ghee

Our "staycation" is over already! It went by in a whirl. We didn't get around to doing much of anything. I think it was good for Ian to stay home and see how all-consuming this diet is right now and how needy Ellie is when she is not feeling well. (Not that he doesn't see that on weekends, but four days straight is another matter.) I'd calculate how many days straight I've been doing it but that would probably make my head hurt.

On Saturday we were indeed feeling bold and served up soft-boiled duck eggs with our breakfast soup. Ellie was very excited! Eggies! Having the egg white in addition to the raw yolk was much more satisfying and helped me stay fuller through the morning. That night Ellie slept through the night for the first time since starting Intro. Horray!!! Last time we trialed whole chicken eggs she was up with stomach cramps for hours. Since then she's just been doing great. I am so, SO happy to have eggs back. It's been 9 months since we've been able to eat eggs and it opens up so many possibilities, especially when we get further into the diet and can do some baking. Mmmm. Plus soon we'll be able to eat scrambled eggs, which are the world's best (nutritious) "I don't feel like cooking" food.

Day 16: Holding steady

Today was a largely uneventful day. Yay! I increased Ellie's sauerkraut from 3 drops per bowl to 4 with no ill effects. I was hit with an unexpected wave of die-off nausea late this afternoon, but she seems to be doing fine. I am wiped out from a really challenging week and am looking forward to a four-day "staycation" we are having starting now! I'm off to put on some jammies and watch a movie. Tomorrow (if we're feeling bold) we will trial soft-boiled eggs.