It didn't take long. Ellie started doing well after we added Ketotifen to her routine and Ian and I started talking about wanting to have another baby. I always knew I wanted more than one kiddo but for quite a while, in the thick of Ellie doing poorly, we had resigned to the fact that she very well might be our only kiddo. I imagined having kids fairly close together and as she got older and older I wondered if our chance had passed. But here we are. Our baby girl is 3 now and doing so well that our thoughts have turned toward having another one.
I discussed this goal with my doctor, who is treating me for Hashimoto's, and she asked me to go in for a thyroid ultrasound just to get it checked out before considering getting pregnant again. I went in a couple of weeks ago, feeling slightly concerned but mostly just slightly irritated at having to go through more medical crap. I fully expected to hear back that there was nothing noteworthy.
Instead, I got a call from my doctor's office with the news that the ultrasound had reveled a nodule on my thyroid that was "moderately concerning." I was referred to an endocrinologist and was told I needed a biopsy. "Did she just say 'biopsy'?" I wondered.
I was shocked - actually so shocked that I had a hard time concluding the phone call. In a strange fluke Ellie was actually asleep on my chest during that phone call and after I hung up I cried into her hair. For the first time in my life I contemplated the idea of cancer as a real threat that could really happen to me. I thought about how we don't have a will. I thought about how on earth would Ian raise our baby girl by himself? I thought about the future child I wanted to have and wondered if I ever would. I really let my imagination run wild. I kind of freaked out for a few days.
But, interestingly, after the initial shock wore off I kind of got over it. I thought about everything we had been through with Ellie and decided that God simply would not do that to me. He would not give me cancer after all we have been through the past three years. I'm relying on a strength I did not used to have, a strength that Ellie gave me.
I am now in the midst of figuring out how to expedite a biopsy (the endocrinologist I was referred to was scheduling for October - no thanks). But for now I choose to believe I already know what the results will be - negative - and hope that the belief will take me far. After all, I believed I could heal Ellie and I did that. Everything else that follows in my life will be small potatoes.